Hunger Strikes and Other Corporate Pitfalls

Greetings from the office! Yes, it's true, yours truly has succumbed to the need for a stable cash flow and has since stumbled into the corporate realm. But, fear not, for I am helping the work world shirk its over amplified productivity by lounging on my blog! (You will all thank me later, no doubt.) As a receptionist at a psychiatric clinic (I am resisting the temptation to self-medicated, though it is oh-so feasible) I make a lot of faxes, garner a lot more paper cuts, and allow my brain waves to be sloshed around in the magnetic fields of a myriad of electronic office do-dads and gee-gaws. (The only really great thing about electronics is that they all have a universal repair button-- the "power" switch.) What does the white collar (gasp! Am I in a pink collar job? Oy! My gendered ghetto...) worker do to make the work-a-day world fly by? Dream of the one hour lunch break! (The Man took away our dreams of endless lackadaisical smoke breaks since invented the "100 Yards from a Building" rule and giving us the masochist's and denouncing "smoker's station" which consists of little more than a goose-knecked plastic trough in which to poke our extinguished butts, oy and oy!) True, the sack lunch at first glance seems regressive, and for me at least, calls up repressed memories of cafeteria bullies and the shames of sitting along or worse, sitting at the "nerd table," or worse yet, finding nothing but falafel in your lunch bag for weeks on end (why, mom, why?!)... Childhood traumas aside, it is time to reinvent the boxed lunch and reclaim it for mature adulthood. An insurmountable task, you gape, but nay, the quest is already begun. Behold: www.veganlunchbox.blogspot.com ! The website traces the trials and tribulations of an eastern Washington homemaker and animal rights activist as she tries to feed her young son, our little schmoo, a cruelty free and well-balanced school lunch. Ok, so we're not talking adult food per se, but nonetheless, schmoo's tastes are quite cosmopolitan. Check out schmoo's favorite lunch, "Chinese New Year", which features crispy sweet tofu chunks, sticky rice, chile green beans, kiwi fruit, and a scrumptious-looking dumpling. Some of the recipes, like the dumplings, are a little on the tricky side, and the site is definitely for the adventurous eater with an epicurean edge, but the site also offers many simple lunch ideas that I had never thought of, like spicing up raw veggies with a little jicama, (pronounced HEE-comma) a potato-like spud that tastes sugary sweet. Of course, it's a great resource for vegans and vegetarians, but I have no doubt that many of the recipes could be modified for the omnivorous among you (at your own moral peril, and the risk of food poisoning from unrefridgerated or uncooked e-coli!). I await anxiously the forthcoming vegan lunchbox cookbook which is slated to arrive in the fall, and meanwhile I pine for my own brown-bagged delights. Today's menu: Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwhich on Hemp Bread, Plums, and Organic Granola Bar. Yum Yum!

Movie Review: The Da Vinci Code

In his editorial in the June issue of The Rake, Tom Bartel (Carleton '73, I feel this entitles me to rag on him a little, yes?) comments on what he considered the uncanny likenesses between the central conflict and characters in The Da Vinci Code and the politics and personae of contemporary left/right, Democrat/Republican debates. According to Bartel, it all boils down to religious faith, or in particular, a conflict between dogmatic "believers" and a more "true" and compassionate secular humanism. I'm not sure if he was referring to the book exactly or to Ron Howard's filmic interpretation, but if the book does not emphasize this political conflict (and personally, having read it, I don't believe it does), Howard's film certainly does. To me, the film was a cross between Indiana Jones and Dogma, preserving the suspense of the former, the liberal politics of the latter (even similarities in the mythology in which a non-believing woman turns out to be the last descendant of Christ), but the DVC loses the humor of both. Fortunately, the film ejects the book's daddy-love romance between the young ingenue and the older professor, and instead spends more time on the mystery, literally illustrating (illuminating?) its points with visually lush historical flashbacks. But, by foregrounding the mystery, the film wades deeper into the tidepool of so-called heresy and tests the limits of the public's tolerance. The clues to the mystery are so compelling, and the ending so emotionally provocative, I couldn't help but feel persuaded to think that perhaps the bloodline of Christ might still survive, though maybe it's just getting harder for me to believe in a thirty-year-old virgin, whatever his parentage. The grail-quest in the DVC is portrayed as a quest for liberation and enlightenment, a freeing of the masses from the tyranny of a corrupt Vatican. I can't help but think that American audiences watching the creepy relationship between an elder Bishop Aringarosa and the self-flagellating younger monk must certainly be reminded of the recent scandals in the American Catholic church over molestation and pedophilia. According to Ron Howard, the history of the Catholic church is a bloody tale of despotism and corrupt patriarchy. In other words, if the church is not up in arms over this film, then they're either not paying attention or they have something sneaky up their papal sleeves.
I liked the film, if only as a beautifully shot and well-orchestrated puzzle. Any shortcomings, in my opinion, derive themselves from Dan Brown's novel. The story flirts with deeper questions like the nature of humanity and faith, yet ultimately these are reduced to the same dichotomies found through the symbology of the puzzles -- man/woman, good/evil, etc. The characters' motivations are pathologized as bland early childhood traumas, while faith and the ultimate good are left up to individual choice. On the other hand, the film invites us to answer the question that is left open at the end of the film. Do we put our faith in a belief system that divides us, pits us against one another, against certain "lifestyle choices," or even the pursuit of science? Or, do we place our faith in the resilience and creativity of humanity? As Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks) remarks at the conclusion of the film, we do not have proof that Jesus was married and had a daughter, nor do we have proof that he was the son of God and died celibate. If our beliefs no longer serve us, if they no longer describe or explain the world in which we live, do we cling automatically to outmoded ideas, or do we reach for new ideologies?

The Da Vinci Hype

(This is an article that I submitted for publication in the May issue of The Rake. It was rejected, but lucky for us that means I can print it here!)

Since the release of Dan Brown’s mega-hit bestseller The Da Vinci Code, pop culture hucksters have been scrambling to meet the demand of the novel’s millions of fans, numerous critics, and legions of fuming Christian fundamentalists. Hoping to stem the tide (and make a buck), Sony Pictures has assembled an all-star cast to adapt the novel to the silver screen, a hardly daunting task for talents such as director Ron Howard given Brown’s reliance on cinematographic diction such as the author’s description of protagonist Robert Langdon as “Harrison Ford in Harris Tweed.” Though it is Tom Hanks and not Ford playing the paradoxically sexy and distinguished religious symbology professor, the filmmakers are making up the difference by casting an authentic ingénue, Audrey Tautou (Amelie), to play Sophie Neveu. Sadly, no actual albino could be found to play Silas the spooky monk, though doubtless any controversy among the albino community will be drowned out by plenty of hell-raising on the part of Catholic and Evangelical Christians. Rather than placate the uppity religious right, the filmmakers have chosen to fully portray the central controversy of Brown’s novel, the once obscure theory that Jesus had actually married and beget a son with Biblical bad-girl Mary Magdalene. Though bible-banging ditto-heads could take comfort in some evidence that Jesus wasn’t gay, most feel that Brown’s novelistic rendering of this heresy marks a pointed attack aimed at the figurehead of the faith. Fortunately for publishers and booksellers, Christians are issuing their fatwa American-style – they are voraciously consuming Da Vinci Code spin-off books and anti-“code” screeds.

Hopping on The Da Vinci Code gravy train, authors have published over twenty-odd books claiming to explain the code, debunk the code, or best of all, unlock the secrets of the code to achieve personal fulfillment and self-actualization. For example, Fodor’s Guide to the Da Vinci Code: On the Trail of the Bestselling Novel by Jennifer Paull (Fodor’s 2006) is a straight-forward guide for the savvy traveler which provides details on the central locations as well as tips crowd-maneuvering at the Paris Louvre and where to stop for a snack while code-cracking near Rosslyn Chapel in Scotland. Fans might also wish to consult Da Vinci Code Decoded: The Truth Behind the New York Times #1 Bestseller (The Disinformation Company, 2004) written by Martin Lunn, a history scholar and Master of the Dragon Society.

For DVC fans having trouble distinguishing theology from campy plot devices, there are numerous titles now in print that help distill the Biblical “facts” from the cockamamie fiction. There is the popular Breaking the Da Vinci Code: Answers to the Questions Everyone’s Asking by Darrell L. Bock (Nelson Books, 2004), the sensational The Da Vinci Deception by Erwin W. Lutzer (Tyndale House Publishers, 2004), the authoritative Truth and Fiction in the Da Vinci Code: A Historian Reveals What We Really Know about Jesus, Mary Magdalene, and Constantine by Bart D. Ehrman (Oxford University Press, 2004), and the definitive The Real History Behind the Da Vinci Code by Sharan Newman (Berkley Trade, 2005), just to name a few. The truly faithful should check out Richard Abanes, a luminary in the confusing debate between bible-thumping believers and anti-Christian conspirators, with such books as The Truth Behind the Da Vinci Code: A Challenging Response to the Bestselling Novel (Harvest House, 2004), Harry Potter and the Bible: The Menace Behind the Magick (Horizon Books, 2001), and most recently Harry Potter, Narnia, and The Lord of the Rings: What You Need to Know About Fantasy Books and Movies (Harvest House, 2005).

Finally, for readers wondering what The Da Vinci Code can do for them, there are several self-help books modeled after the genius of the Renaissance man himself, including Michael Gelb’s visionary series How to Think Like Leonardo Da Vinci originally published by Dell in 2000 and repackaged as Da Vinci Decoded (Delacorte, 2004), as well as Garrett LoPorto’s The Da Vinci Method (Media For Your Mind, 2005), a guide to coping with ADD/ADHD. And, for the truly voracious reader looking to shed a few pounds, there’s even The Da Vinci Fitness Code by Joseph Mullen (Fitness Therapy Publishing, 2005) and The Diet Code: Revolutionary Weight Loss Secrets from Da Vinci and the Golden Ratio by Stephen Lanzalotta (Warner, 2006). Thankfully, Lanzalotta, the owner of an east-coast bakery, has apparently cracked the Atkins code as well. So, no need to feel guilty chowing down on a large popcorn as you watch The Da Vinci Code when it opens in theatres on May 19. Whether we love the hype or loathe it, I think we can all agree we’re glad carbs are back on the menu.

Long Time No Blog

There's really no point in apologizing, since I'm sure I'm more disappointed in myself than any of my readers would be in me, but it is nonetheless an unavoidable fact that I have been regrettably delinquent in my postings. I hope to turn this trend around, just as I turn my frown upside down after all the hullabaloo surrounding my graduation from college. Yes, I now have a B.A., which mostly means I am a bachelor of b. s. (Isn't it wonderful to think I could some day be a "master"?) It also means that I am unemployed, homeless, and buried beneath a mountain of debt. What a way to kick off adult life! Despite this rude awakening, I find myself finally in a state of intellectual liberty, and as such my unfettered mind shall unfurl itself here in these virtual pages. So, a toast to the bacchanalian gluttony that is liberal arts education as I cinch in my belt for the years to come!